At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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