I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
