I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
