Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
