Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
