i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
