They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
