I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
