If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
