After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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