Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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