my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
