look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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