i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
