I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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