I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
