You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
