While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
