It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
