Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I party with great urgency now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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