I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
