why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
