Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
