If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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