It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
