i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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