i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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