I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
