I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you had me at cake vodka
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
