I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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