My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
