cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
