my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
