how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
