if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
