ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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