why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
