she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's shark week go big or go home
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
