I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just googled if crying burns calories
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
