I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
