don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
