The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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