My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
