she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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