god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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