Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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