I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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