I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
