also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
