Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
